Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
