Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
