You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
