you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
