Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
