bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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