I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
