I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found a bag of teeth...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
