he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How does one acquire holy water?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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