What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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