I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ugly people sure do ruin things
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
