Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I stole a fireplace last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
