I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
