I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
