My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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