my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
