Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
