you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
