walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
