Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
