With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
