I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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