i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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