it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
