I love black thongs
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
