I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
