I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
