it's great music for shaving your balls
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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