Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
