you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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