Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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