wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
