Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
