I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
