Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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