just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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