did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
