Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
