How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
