had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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