I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can I color on your dick again?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
