i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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