Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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