Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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