he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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