at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dick very happy bro
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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