Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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