I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
