i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
