it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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